Spilling it all out.

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I have high ambitions but i contradict too much. I wanna live the life I dreamed of. And yes indeed I have, but there's more to accomplish when you know life's too short.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Halloween

well yeah we do have it here.HALLOWEEN.
kalu kat mesia,haram kalu smbut sbb psl hantu and syaitan sume,tp yeah funny gak,arb saudi,still ade meh?haha.
probably bcoz our compound and our school American-based so mmg drg smbut pun.
but nyways,Bahrain School had a Spooktacular Bash and it was a major event at that night.
ramai gile org dr luar and skolah len dtg.wahh meriah gile arh.
mule2 i wasnt gonna go coz mama wanted us back home but then angah had to go buy the tickets so we went instead.i was worried coz i didnt plan it out with my friends so i didnt know who i was gonna go with but then turns out Jess was goin so i was goooood :)
mule2 ingat nak dress up la nak pakai costume sume but it was last minit!i had no damn costume and the last 30 minutes of the event i find out that i was gonna help with the Not-So-Haunted-House for the lil kids!
hampeh gileeeee plan!tade costume so i went as a gypsy 'supposedly'.HAHA :P
bile tny org i look like what,they all said i looked like myself.i was like WTH??haha.but then people figured out soon i act looked like a gypsy!yay me :D

so then me and jess arrived from the dorm to school and damn the school looked amazing!the commitee did a really great job in decorating and all.nmpk live cm umah berhantu u wud say.haha.
so then the first agenda was going trick-or-treating like in the movies!oh gosh i havent been trickortreating in such a long time sjk2 dok kat Texas dulu.and now dpt merase blk.haha tp len sket lah,kalu dlm movies u go to house to house,this one u pegi kat one person to the other asking for candy.

hahah penuh jugak my bag!rase cm dak kecik lak :)
then me and jess were planning to chill je UNTIL her mom panggil kate ken awat shift at the kids' haunted house.alamaaaaaak dah naik malas dah rasenyeee.
but then we stole time to go to the haunted huse for teenagers.haaaa this one supposedly was gonna be scary coz it was all set up by the military guys from the American base.hahah so me and jess lined up with omar and others, but didnt care that much.
we went in a group of 6,us girls only.masuk2 pun dah seram gileee,kena lari la ape lah.
gelap gileeee dlm da room,seb bek ade glowinthedark sticks yg kteorg dpt mule2.so then nmpk la hantu gelak2 and people hanging from the ceilings.
mule2 ingat patung je,rupe2nye it was a real person!abis die jerkah i and smpt tngkp i kat tgn.i lagi la jerit cm org gile lari2 sume smpi terlanggar dinding.HAHAH.
haaaa this is when the funny part comes,!
pas terlanggar dinding,i got all dizzy and we were lost coz i was infront!hahaha i tried going thru the wall and all but didnt work so we started screaming.then lagi bangang the military guy yg supposedly our guide lari cm org gile saying "its fine its fine jst look down and crawl!" and we were like WHAT???
hahah pastu nmpk tunnel kat bwh.so we crawled thru and we made it out but the tunnel was pointless act.
hahah oh wells,credits to the army people.it was act a good haunted house but none can beat the one at Seef Mall with the chainsaw and all.hell yeah man that one's just crazy :)

then afta that me and jess headed staright to the kids haunted house.and we had to be the guides to the entrace.it was nice act being on shift.first of all i got CAS hours which is community service for IB which i really needed and 2nd of all i knew most of the lil kids and they LOVE me :)
not bragging at all but since i jadi TA(teacher's assistant) for elementary school,everyone from that part knew me and they were all coming up to me.its was fun coz i LOVE lil kids (:
then my shift took 2hours!two crazy hours WITHOUT FOOD.so u cud imagine how grumpy i was.then i finally got off shift and ate pizza hut but then i had no time to play all the games!
oh well it was a fun night act. so it was all good.
the next morning i went back to saudi.

after that we had another carnival in saudi which was kinda lame bcoz it was all for lil kids and since i had a lil sister i had to go babysit her.
mama and daddy were in a diff camp sbb ade opn house so i got stuck with all my sisters.
honestly it sucked bcoz i was already bored and going to a place like that made me more misrable but for the fun of my sisiter i just went.
came back home exausted like hell.and now typing this up.

*oh yeah MAJOR ATTENTION,ill try uploading pictures of events here soon.
still new with the blog so need time to figure out :)

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Amazing~

this amazing person.this wonderful amazing person.this person who i love so much.
she taught me something today.i cant give up on things that were meant to be.
things that were meant to stay with me forever.
like my friendship with her.she taught me that we could succeed in keeping the friendship alive.even though billions of miles separate us, we can still make it.
u lose friends.u'll lose them alot throughot ur lives.u'll lose people who u love and care about every time,but there are those who stay with you forever.she's one of them and i know for sure.

smlm, bile i rase down sngt,i opned my myspace and i wondered how long was it that i replied everyone's comments and all.omg LAME GILE dah ok.i'm sorry guyss.cm tde mood lgsg nak repply.nak keep in touch with u guys but there's so lil time for me to do.
but this amazing person, qurratu' aini, she still had the time for me.oh how i love her so.
she came at the right moment when i had those emotional breakdowns.tyring to figure out my life and all.
she said alot of things that opned my eyes.that said to me that me and her are gonna be fine.
it sucks having to lose those you love.it sucks just having to end everything so beautiful.but she told me that's not gonna happen and i believe her :)
old things can to rekindle.i have proof but i shall not say who.but its good.
u cant just walk away and become a coward for the failure of one relationship.move on and keep striving in the ones you already are in.that's what im gonna do.

To Que;
Awk,kte tw awk akn bace nih sooner or later.and myb awk akn nanges je bile abis bace nih.haha awk tapeee,kte pun sme.awk kte syg gile babi kat awk ok.thanx sooo much sbb wat kte sedar yg kteorg still akn stay da same.i know i can count on you no matter what.how ironic wey we became closer afta kte pindah.awk tw u always have me to tell stories to kalu awk rase awk xleh nak cite kat spe2 lagi.just tell me i can lend an ear but not a shoulder for you to cry on.i miss the befores wey,bile slalu lepak and all.slalu gossip and all.i miss it.nak je blk ke mase tu.but i know kte xleh nak pegang sngt to the past,i have to move forward and im gonna do that.heck yeah que,kte dah lme dah wat cm2.& awk tw betapa susahnye kte kena wat.but yeah awk,ade gak those times when i rmmbr the past.& the saying is true,to rmmbr hurts more than to forget.
Pape pun jadi kte tw kte ade awk and awk kena tw awk slalu ade kte.xsaba sngt nak jmp awk ti.
& yes bile jmp,xnak nanges,kena nikmati mase kteorg sme2 k.ilysdm qurratu' aini <333

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tercipta Untukku

MY ALL TIME FAVORITE;

Menatap indahnya senyuman di wajahmu,
Membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku.
Menanti akan hadirnya cinta terindah,
Saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku.
Banyak kata yang tak mampu ku ungkapkan kepada dirimu..

Aku ingin engkau selalu,
Hadir dan temani aku,
Di setiap langkah yang meyakiniku,
Kau tercipta untukkuuu..
Meski waktu akan mampu menluruh seluruh ragaku,
Ku ingin kau tahu ku selalu milikmu,
Yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku..

this song reminds me of the people most important to me.
the ones who i loved and who i still love.
life goes on in a way that you seem you have forgotten.
but you would know yourself that its still there somewhere in your heart.
i miss the days i was happy with them.with all of them.i truly do.
we had so many cherished times that i could have never imagined in our life.
we're seperated but i still remember.
the memories,
joyful, heatbreaking,everything.its still here with me.
the times spent together, the memories made can never be replaced even if you say it.
you come to the point when you can never compare it with anything else.but life is cruel,i admit.
you get what you want then its gone and you start from scratch.
but you can never say you forget,because forgetting is for those who are scared.
scared that they will never forget the memories,scared the times would haunt them forever.
but by not forgetting, you learn.you learn from your own mistakes and also others.
thats what i did.thanks guys, you made part of what i am today.and if you're reading this, you know who you are.
for those still loved, i really miss you.
for those whom i say i've forgotten, to hell with the hate.

i just felt like expressing this.yes this is my all time favorite.xoxo


Friday, October 10, 2008

pretty bz weeek :)

yes it was..very very bz week.
not so much fun i guess.something's going on but it hard to explain.
arrghh relationships getting ruined again and again.
but my grades are up!thats a good thing.busting my head off with formulas in physics and calculus.
studying is hard now.hahah i cud admit to that too. :P
and and guess what?i got an A in my physics test!for the first freaking timeee!im sooo happy!
from all the F's ive been getting.sucha embarrassment.hahaha. so im doing pretty good.

Eid's almost over for us i guess but for the malaysians here,it still on a roll.got a few more ied parties next week so it shud be fun.
we missed out a major one yesterday and i was sooo mad!we cud have been here having fun but we were all stuck in bahrain in school!
fyi bahrain weekends are on fridays and saturdays and saudi weekends are on thursdays and fridays.*
but wtv,i got to see dekna bie achik and the guys soo it was ok :)
lme x rase lemang woo.gile besh!:DDD

mama was supposed to be making the kuih raye sum more but sumone had to put the butter inside the fridge again so now we cant.stupid! now i just have to wait for another batch next week.

argghhh wanting to say more things but my mind is messed up now..

i miss tasya and fzln.i have to call them soon.im feeling homesick again this time.hope it gets better.

i miss you guysss xoxo

Friday, October 3, 2008

I'm sorry .

people might have known all this while how we were the "it" thing.
people might have known that all this while we were forever. but it didn't turn out like that.
US?it was a disaster. i'm never regretting anything coz we had beautiful moments.but hatred came over me and wanting to forget you is the worst thing that i cud have ever done.but i did.no more tears no more heatbreaks.im over you.
the way u screwed things up even more made me disgusted of you.how u never realized that part of it was because of you made me despise you.
i'll pray one day you will admit your mistakes as i did to you.i don't love you anymore but i don't hate you too.
let our paths not cross anymore.coz that wud break my heart even more.
How cud sumthing so beautiful turn out to be the biggest mistake ever?
When all u do is hoping for the best,hell breaks loose?
When all u want is happiness for eternity,u lose all of it in a blink of the eye?
It's ok to deny everything.But move on.

I know in a way u think of it too.Heck i know you do.But don't make me hear about you again.
I'd suffer.Oh i admit i wud.To ever look at you again is never.I wud never want to again.
Again let our paths not cross no more.
Sorry,for all that has happened.Sorry,for all the memories.Sorry,for all the hatred.
SORRY.

Sisterly loveeee + Angah's bday :)

You know when they say;
"Air yg dicincang xkan terputus."
Its true,for a fact its true.
Relatinships within the family might have their ups and downs.
Heck its not normal if there arent any probs.
But these things are what makes the relationship stronger.

I have 3 sisters.God knows how much i love them.
But yeah we fight ALOT!sometimes when we fight we forget we're sisters.but then when we're not fighting,everyone cud know how much we love each other.
Me as the eldest,im not exactly perfect sister material.but i really try hard sometimes.I wanna set an example for them when they grew up.
let them be successful as i am InsyaAllah.Thats what i hope.And for us to fight less and treat each other not just sisters but bff.
We were like that in Malaysia.Heck we were a lot closer compared to now.And ever since we moved to Saudi its been really hard to have a descent talk with them.I miss the times in Malaysia when we wud just talk and talk and talk forever everythime they got back from school.
We wudngo into our rooms and gossip or bitch about sumone.or just tell each other about our daily probs.It was so much fun back then.
We wud do that now too but it doesnt feel rite.
More and more since me and angah live in the dorm so we hardly see achik but we try to make the best out of it.
But honestly,this year is a wholeeee lot better than last year.
I hated the fact that we werent exactly sisters last year with all the fights and dramas that was going on.
I regret all of it.But in a way im thankful it all happened.coz it helped us mend our realtionship.
the things that happened last year taught me that i cant just give up on my sisters.We cud be how we were in Malaysia of we just tried.
And Alhamdulillah we are soooo much better this year.
I hardly get into fights with them and i feel really happy :)
i love them all,and i want them to appreciate me as i do to them.

To Angah;
HAPPY Sweet Sixteen!!!!
I hope ur happy on ur bday.i hope u have fun.
I hope u grow up too coz im soo proud of u this year.I hope u keep this up so we cud be the sisters that we were b4.I know we're getting there.
I want u to make mama and daddy proud.I know u try but try harder.
Semoge hati u slalu tenang and semoge u tw yg i syg u soo much despite all the things that have happened in the past.We're sisters forver and nothing is gonna change that.
I hope ur happy in ur life and u become successful in the future.
I just hope that u noe how much i love youuu.
again Selamat Hari Jadi..Mwahxxx <33

p/s: NO PRESENTS!SORRYY :DD

Thursday, October 2, 2008

it just gets better and better =]

i never knew Eid could be this fun!HONESTLY :D
ive been having sooo much fun these daysss.im happy that IM HAPPY.haha soo gay..
ok sooo;

Day 2

So the 2nd day we had an open hs.so we didnt sleep properly AGAIN for 2days.hahaha.
I woke up with humongous eye bags and it wasnt evn funny of how bad i looked. but then i stuffed up my face with concelear so problem solved :D
so bla bla bla we all got ready.and my friends already promised that they were coming,non-malays that is soo it was gonna be fun.
people started to come at like 1pm so we had time to rest b4 that but when they came i was sooo excited!
then the azmans and zuls came.lagi laaa.kwn maaaa :D
michael came and yessss we were sooo ok by then.reem came with dalia then sufia came soon afta that.
it was OK to what i expected.they felt akward coz it was all malaysians soo they didnt know what to do unlike michael who completely understod everything!hahha u suck,just coz u know malay :P
then bie mira dekna achik came!the highlights of my day!!!!! i LOVE them!
then bie and miraaa hahahaha ade2 je laa.kate M hot and all.i slambe laaa introduce and all.awwwww :D
so we ate we laughed and i had to help mama in the kitchen.biase la ank sulooonggg.benciiii.
then it was time to cut the cake mama daddy beli for angah and achik since their bdays were close.
angah 2nd and achik 16 oct.so perfect time.kebetulan uncle taufik and his son had their bdays the sme days soo wooo 2 yummy bday cakes!
and daddy bot outs from baskin robbins!lagi la meleleh air liurr.hahaha.
then we all sang hppy bday and all and guess who had to cut the cake??ME!hahaha.
believe it or not i took literly half an hour cutting the cake and serving it!
nooo it wasnt my fault!the cake was still hard!thats why!mama was teasing me sooo badly but who cares.hahaha :P

then ummm the other HE came.FUGG.the fugging annoying boyyy.true definition of POYO!
bajet dtg dr mesia with all this poyonesss.yeah yeah i admit he's cute but come on!et a grip of yourself.
pandang2 org cm nak mkn,pastu nak mengada2 lak.haihhhh saket hati jek.
but me as usual wat bodooo je.mls nak lyn.
then bla bla bla mkn ckp bla bla reem and all decided to go to the beach.haha they cudnt stad it no more,i dont blame them.but they said they wud cum back so i was ok with it.
so i was stuck with haziq michael and my girls :D
i was act having fun,talking with michael and all since we havent spoken in ages.hahah :P
then bie mira all had to go to other houses soo tinggal haziq je.we talked lepak kat lua then at 6pm-ish everyone decided nak wat convoy g umah org.
hahah smangat raye betul lah!but it was fun.
we ended up seiing michael and his adorable brother again so i practically chilled with him haziq and my sisters the whole day :D
we went back at 11pm cleaned up and i fell dead sleep
xD


DAY 3

omggg talking about tired!
satu ari kat dahran.hahah from supposedly 4 houses turned out to be what 8?
ahahah but it was the mst fun days ever!
with mira back from mesia it was the bomb!
sumpah i missed that girl!:D mira i wub youuuu <33
from one to house to another,her bie dekna achik and da lil kids wud cum with us in daddy's car.
its as if daddy had sooo many daughters and mama still looked young.hahah!
but one thing that bugged me was the fact that we werent with the Ras Tanura crew coz mama said we wud go on our own.
(we had convoys from RT and Dahran which are two diff Aramco camps in Saudi,we went with the Dahrain convoyy)so we didnt hang out much with haziq and zul.
but wtv!i had my girls!!!
when we were bored we wud randomly go out of the house and go in the middle of the streets and take pics!!
hahaha.i love being who i really am with them.i miss myself.but maaaan this eid totally brought it out!

and oh!one more embarrasing thing thing that happned tday was my pants ripped!
and oh u wud think in a descent place but noooooo.
it was near my butt line!sooo maluuuu !!
dah la laki yg kena tegur bout it.bie lak tergelak2 siap amek gamba.i had to pull down my shirt to cover it.hahahaha.but then ok la tade org pasan pun.
they might have noticed perut boroi i lah.
8 houses,what do u expect!
hahahaha.
nyways tomoro,we might not go anywhere.
finally REST!
haha no more like HOMEWORK time!seriously i need to start my work.aarrgghhh,,,,

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Eid Mubarek Everyoneeee :DD

Day 1


Yeah so that's how they say it here in Saudi Arabia or any Gulf countries.
Was pretty weird for me at first but i got used to it.
Tapi xleh beat lagi org melayu kate,
"Selamat Hari Raye,Maaf Zahir Batin"
sedap gak ckp cm2.:)

ok soo people wud have tot my pagi raye sucked.
technically it was coz we were soooo tired!
dpt tw raye mlm tu afta isyak which was like at 8 sumthing.
mama lagi la panic cm org gile sbb xprepare pape lagi tuk pagi raye.
hahahha.
dah la umah xsiap hias lagi tuk raye.
den raye dtg mengejut.but i was happy.
for no reason kot.cm xde lah i leh agk this year pny raye was gonna be the best but i hoped for it.
so mlm raye tuu we stayed up ALL night until 4am to prepare brg msk and all.
mama as usual msk nasi dagang tganu fames die tu lah.oh yummy :D
daddy lak bz ngan kemas2 umah and gantung2 gamba kteorg especially all the family pics that were kept stuffed in boxes for ages.hahhaa.
its nice to see our family functioning all together.
well i have to tolong mama sediakan bahan tuk msk.sayur and all alah sng je nak handle, smpi mama soh potong aym.
i was like,
"hell no!" hahah i just cant hold a raw chicken or fish or daging.mmg xleh geliiiii.
i ngan slambenye ckp kat mama,"oh mama tape bile along dah besar,nak msk ke pe,g pasar soh drg siang and potong sume." then mama tengking,"alah tape la tade laki nak kat ko dah." hahah siodd je.pastu terpakse laa pegang juga :P
tp gune plastic lah xD

so then kul 4pg br tido we were all exsausted but quite seronok act doing sumthing mlm raye.
kalu kat kmpg lu,tok je la yg sediakan bhn and bibik yg tlg die.now we can act help mama.it was a good feeling tho.
so then pagi raye dtg,i woke up at 8.hahah ok la tu kan?consider we worked our asses off the night b4.
then daddy pun lwk,miss semyang raye!penat pny psl.
see thats what u get for doing ur work at the eleventh hour people.advice to all.haha!
so then we all got ready and stuff.sadly kteorg tade bj raye yg br sbb xsmpt nka tempah so kteorg terpks la pki bj kurung yg beli tuk perkahwinan ayh ngah.it was all mathcing.adek badek pink,mama daddy purple.
hahhaa.
believe it or not 1s raye puuuun dah belambak opn hs!omggg mule2 3umah je,skali tuuu asek dpt jmputan smpi 7buah!penat laaa kteorg satu hari berjln.dah la da next day family kteorg wat opn hs.satu haprak pun xstat lagi.so then off we went to pakcik ???(lupe!) den guess who i saw.HIM.argghh i was like SHIT.
tp dlm hati kena caver jek.jgn nmpk obvious.but then omg,a miracle happened,he saw me and came up to me.
"Selamat hari raye syafiqah." then he hugged me.i was like :O :O :O
i was clueless,one night we're not evn friends,the next morning we were perfectl fine!
i felt relieved tho.it might be a good sign rite?
then we started taliking but it was akward.3 whole weeks with a word out of our mouths and this happens.
rezeki hari raye kot.Alhamdulillah...

then pegi dahran and met up with tons of ppl,it was nice seeing Malaysians kumpul rmi2.rinduuuu rase kat mesia.tp terubat gak tgk meriah raye tahun nih :D

so overall update,
!st day Eid= BETTER :D